I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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