Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
