I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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