there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
