i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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