ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
ugly people sure do ruin things
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
