I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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