he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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