I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Randomize
