K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
