i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
And then my night got REAL pukey
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
