new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
