Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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