I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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