It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
