I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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