They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
