Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
