I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
