I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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