put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
