Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
