Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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