Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
