I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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