shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
