I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
