I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
