its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm like, not good at living.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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