Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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