What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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