Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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