Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
