I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
