i think i have two assholes
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
