Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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