too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
