Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
even my farts smell like vagina
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
