just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
