tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
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I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize