I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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