I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
