I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
This is my gift to your gina
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
lol hangovers are for mortals.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
