Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Michael Bay diarrhea
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
