So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
