Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
