Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
