Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
