I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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