The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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