If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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