I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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