Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
17 year olds will be the death of me.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
