i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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