Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
