If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
ugly people sure do ruin things
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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