The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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