coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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