Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
