i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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