There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
